Budgeting with grave robbery

Would you believe this sizable bag of food cost less than £7?

While I was at Ikea the night before, spending more money that I didn't have, and praying that my landlord would reimburse me for all the things I was being for his flat, I worked out my budget. With 100,000 HUF free a month, I could reasonably spend around 3,300 HUF a day, just shy of £10. "Sheesh," I thought, "how the fudge am I going to survive on that!?" Consider for a start that flights back to the UK would probably be £100 a pop! Up late that night I racked my brains, and considered three prospective plans:

1) Suggest to my landlord that we rent out the second room in the flat, assuming he could get a door on it
2) Teach 'advanced' English to Hungarians in the evenings (advanced because I wouldn't speak any Hungarian to them)
3) Take English walking tours of the city at weekends

Okay so I wouldn't actually have time left to have a life, but at least I'd be able to eat. Suddenly my whole exciting adventure seemed pointless, the balloon popped, because there was no way I could be happy and enjoy myself under such a heavy burden. I went to bed understandably despondent.

In the morning I woke up and felt none-the-better for my rest. What on Earth was I going to do? I headed out to find a bank to open an account with. The process was decidedly easy, though I doubt they'd ever be able to send a letter to my parents' house - the English method of addresses being abundantly foreign, postcodes are a mystery to their computer systems. Reassured by the besuited man that setting up internet banking the next day would be easy, yet feeling rather distraught that I was being charged banking fees before I'd even got my first statement, I left. He had at least given me details of a nearby Tesco, which, I felt, was my only chance at salvation.

Not meaning to find religious salvation, on my way to Tesco I headed for what looked like a park on the map, but turned out to be an enormous graveyard. It was atmospheric to say the least. Tumbledown tombstones and fancy statues mingled in the ivy like objects in a tragic Victorian novel. There was tremendous poignancy in the number of gravestones I saw for people who'd died between 1939 and 1945. I strolled round the extensive grounds, with a sense of freshness, and once more enjoying the solitude it afforded me.

On my way round I began to notice little objects in the undergrowth, and sensed my intrepid scavenger instinct coming over me. Retrieving the large Ikea bag from my satchel, which had been intended for Tesco goodies, I popped in some empty plastic flowerpots. They'd obviously been left when someone was planting up a display in front of a gravestone, and were clearly going to waste. Next I found a heap of weeds that had been torn up with the earth attached. Weeds they were to the groundskeepers, but for me they were fastgrowing foliage that would keep me happy in the flat. By the time I'd left I had half a dozen plant pots, unwanted weeds, a discarded candleholder, a small but attractive piece of barbed wire, and pine cones from a dismantled wreath. I decided the tyre I found would be too heavy, and unfortunately various attractive tree stumps likewise. Careful not to take anything that was near any grave, and not already thrown away, I headed home with a free array of goodies.

Finally I headed off for Tesco, and found a little holy grail. Ever since I arrived in London I'd been a Sainsburys boy, and felt my defection hard. Not only that, but I was sure that the cheapest goods in there would go against any remaining grains of ethics I had (after my petty graverobbing). I temporarily threw my qualms out the window in a personal bid for survival. The outcome was deeply satisfactory, with the better part of a weeks food shopping done for less than my daily budget. Renewed I headed home, confident that I would indeed be able to have my cake and eat it, even if the cake was not the finest, and the fork cheap looking. I finally understood what Marie Antoinette meant when she said, "Let Them Eat Cake".*

*She never actually said that