Reinvention with wart remover

I refuse to actually take a photo of my own disfigured face, so needless to say these aren't my own lips. But I do have two of these hideous looking things, one either side, which unfortunately arrived due to shaving cuts. The knowledge that warts are in your DNA is deeply depressing, because it means they'll be back whenever they wish. These little pests are called filiform warts, particularly disgusting because they have finger-like tentacles, and you wonder whether an anemone has attached itself to your face.

I know. Yuck yuck yuck.

Try dealing with them in a foreign country though. Firstly I had to discover the word for pharmacy (gyógyszertár), then the word for filiform wart (fonalszerű szemölcs). That's right, you can now speak Hungarian.

My first attempt to go into a chemist and ask for something, whilst pointing at them had failed. So I wrote down the words, and handed it over the counter (at another store, to save humiliation). I came away with a little vial, and asked my colleague what the instructions meant.

That night I applied this most toxic of substances, after performing my favourite act of personal renovation. For about 7 years I've been letting my hair grow long, then shaving it all off, down to about 3/4 of a inch. Not only is this incredibly cost saving, it also gives me even hair, which is absolutely my preference. Only problem: standing there for 15-20 minutes going over and over and over until it's even.

The sign of success is people not immediately thinking you've done it yourself. The fruits of my labour were rewarded likewise the following day.